2016 Paralympics 

11.12.13

Sorry,I haven't been consistent in journaling.

Monday's ride was full of ahha moments, diagnosis and help. 

I am going to try to explain in a helpful way what happened and is happening to me.  

I went over the day, Monday with my counselor to help better understand what happen to me, how there may be suggestions to aid me and a diagnosis that I pray we may find a way to learn a way around it.  

When I got to the barn you had asked me how I was and I answered great.  However, what I didn't realize was that my morning had been altered from my normal routine.  I had a early morning visit with my nephew, wife and small child.  I put on a nice breakfast and visited with them until I needed to leave for lesson.  I left them in the care of David.  

When I got to the barn I was told that Ari wasn't in his normal place and was there overnight in an outside nice place with shelter.  I got concerned about was he suppose to be there and was it safe from the elements.  I was reassured that it was fine from you, Marlo.  Did you know he was there? 

I was informed that we were going to be trained out side today.  In my mind I wasn't prepared for this change.  I had visually had my lesson inside.  What I wasn't expecting was different stimuli outside, dressage test that I didn't study for, letters in the right place or couldn't see them.  Then trying to remember the way to balance myself so that Ari wouldn't go at a quicker pace that I couldn't handle transitions.  I didn't realize how over stimulated my brain was getting in this training session.  Until, I realized that I wasn't taking good breathes in and when I had a PTSD moment in Ari's stall and in break room.  

What happen in Ari's stall was incredible and credit to Ari's sound brain!  I lead Ari passed this mare next to him.  Her ears always have been pinned when I pass with him.  When I entered Ari's stall I saw that Ari went to his water but left for his supplements and grain.  I went in to his stall to see if there was water and if it was dirty, it wasn't and as soon as I turned to face Ari.  The mare next to Ari kick very hard!  It was so loud that I froze and started hyperventilating.  I was able to lean on Ari to get my composer and take 10 deep breathes.. He just stood still.  I went out of his stall and put my had on his head while I still couldn't pass this mare yet due to fear.  As I put my hand on Ari's head I continued taking deep breathes until I was ready to pass her and go into where the cross ties were.  Ari just let me do this without him moving!  I went back in to start working on cleaning tac and tears started out of nowhere.. I went into the break room and had a breakdown of sorts.  I hyperventilated again and got my breathing under control.  This took about 4 mins til I felt like I could go back in to clean tac.  Then I faced you and tears started flowing again.  It wasn't until I spoke about generally what had occurred that I was able to settle down and finish cleaning.  Thank you for explaining why the mare may have reacted.  Its not the point.  Thats okay, its how I need to continue to learn to manage and implement my reactions.  Also, to recognize over simulation of my brain.  

As I went home I thought about what happen and why.. I got some answers from Ann (counselor) about some things I have been thinking about. I showed her video of Ari and I and it confirms that I have Spacial Damage.  In her report it will address this issue. It affects space around me, memory issues and balance.  Over stimulation occurs with this issue.  

Some suggestions that Ann (knowing that she really doesn't know dressage) knowing in the passed has helped me.  Which are: What test needs to be memorized or in the process of and practiced at  home by visualizing on treadmill with music, basement walking it and printing out the test to read it then drawing it on the back.  I will show you what I did at courage reins.  It floored Rachel how well I did on that test.. Memorizing the letters in a dressage arena, glasses at shows, visualizing what to do in an arena with other horses (scenario).  Ear buds :-), resting my mind in-between shows.  We will explore this more in detail at the Symposium.  I spoke with Joyce who is over it and there will be intense evaluation involved.  I am pleased to hear.  

We are learning together and I am grateful for this process. I know that there will be someway to get around this and plow forward!  I have school shows to compete in, along with full competition and I fully intend to do my level best!  And I know you are committed to learn how you can help me perform my best.  Isn't learning a great power to have in our lives.